The Laugh

Dear W,

His laugh- is it yours? Did you bless our son (your son and mine) with the sound that brings smiles and reflective laughter from strangers in passing?

It isn’t my laugh nor that of my husband. Neither of us have let loose with a sound that starts loud and finishes loud and brings unabashed joy to all around. It is an open mouth, head back, red face, musical laugh that I so wish was mine. Sometimes he laughs so hard he can’t catch his breath and it is the cutest thing. His laugh doesn’t come often because he tends to be a serious child. He saves it for events that are really, really funny. So when he lets loose with his joyful sound we have to join him. There is no choice not to join in- his Daddy does, I do, and the sweetest thing is that his sister and brothers try to imitate our son’s special laugh but they can’t because it is so unique.

So many times when our son laughs I try to picture you carrying him in your womb in a moment of open mouth red faced laughter. And then I have to tell you that I become sad. Because the only photos I have of you are within days of giving birth to our son and then the day you came to give the final signature that would ensure his life with his Daddy and me. No laughter there.

When I think about the life you were facing while you grew our son I realize you were likely just surviving and that not much was funny. But surely sometime while you carried our precious son you laughed at one of your many siblings, or at a joke from a friend, or at a rude non-tipping tourist as he tripped off the curb. And when you laughed it was that loud, that open mouthed, that red in the face, that musical and our son heard you. Our son was rocked in your womb as you laughed and laughed and laughed and he memorized your sound waiting for the day that it would become his as well.

We like to think that he is much like you because we love you so very much. I think he absorbed the seriousness of life while you were pregnant with him but that you too showed him joy in the midst of trial.┬áIt will be a lifelong regret that in this lifetime you won’t hear his laugh- that the two of you won’t be surprised to hear yourselves reflected in the other.

We pray that now a chorus of angels is louder and more musical because you are now a part of them.

Thank you isn’t enough.

With Love and Joy,

Published in: on May 4, 2009 at 6:40 pm  Comments (2)